Today I am uncomfortably unseated.
Without reason.
Which bugs me even more.
I feel so many things: frustration despite the fact that I have the perfect environment to get things done, overwhelmed even though I have everything I could need.
Weird things have been tearing at me: my nesting instincts are making me more concerned with my home office than the baby’s room. I have conflicting thoughts of “I have plenty of time” that crash into “I have NO time”. I have bursts of energy where I’d like to pull the trigger on passive income projects I’ve jotted outlines for during the year; which last until my body stomps the brakes and I crash quickly but gently into the couch where I’ll be sleeping the next couple of months after the baby gets here.
And today, I’m crabby. Strangers are just making me mad. It’s a really good thing I work from home so that I can retreat into a written-communication only with anyone and everyone for the rest of the day. It’s also good I got all my errands done by the time it really peaked this morning. Also, by design, a lot of my projects are tapering off before I take some maternity leave, so having a little less to do is conflicting with all of these imaginary things I feel I should do. A to-do list that belongs to someone else, some other soon-to-be mom, some other “you have to have this” shopping list.
I thought I’d feel like a different person by the time I was preparing to become a mother, but I didn’t think it’d be like this.
But the nagging feeling of annoyance and aggression: I know it’s all pregnancy hormones. I know this. I just can’t control it. And that’s why 33% of my day today is feeling these things and the other 33% is actively knowing it’s hormones, that I can’t do anything to stop it, and that it’s all wasted emotion and, therefore, wasting my time. The other 33% of me actually knocking some work out.
I’m so damn tired of being so damn tired.
