Well, I feel obligated to post something about myself. April’s here! I feel like I’ve been waiting for this all year. I finally have some answers in one aspect of my life, which has been a determining factor about whether or not I choose to care about Mr. G.
Guess what, Mr. G? I’m just here as long as I have to be. It’s been fun, but I have to move on. You’re just not giving me what I want. You’re just like every other relationship I’ve been in. I give way too much and don’t get much in return when it comes to the equalness of the situation. Sure, the give-and-take scenario was good for awhile. For a long while. In fact, in the beginning, I felt as if I wasn’t exactly doing enough. But things have changed between us, and you know it. My half has grown exponentially and you know it. My half has gotten a lot more complicated, and you know it. I’ve proved myself, and you know it. I’ve worked really hard at this, and you know it. I deserve more, but you deny me. And you are aware of this. Blame whatever you want, but I call bullshit. I’ve got to go. Luckily, I have some small bites at progress. So take that what you will. You must forget… I don’t have to stay. I’ve already got one foot out the door for cryin’ out loud.
Now for this other guy. What’s going to happen this month, in this destined-to-be completely exhausting couple of weeks. How do I make the most of his visit while still trying to live my life and cram everything else I need to into this small time frame? How do I even make this work? How does this stuff happen?
I’ve been having some really crazy mood swings lately. I’m super duper happy, then so miserable I can’t even run. I’m tired all the time. I’ve stopped eating breakfast again. This morning I got a couple of bites of good news and leads, and compliments, which was great, since I received some awful news last week that I just, really really wasn’t expecting and really shook up these plans I’ve been waiting all year to execute. I felt on top of the world this morning after said news and emails, and vowed to make it a good day. What the hell mood swings – Is it because I’m also trying a new brand of my piece-of-mind pills? I haven’t changed my medication on that in a couple of years. Perhaps this was not the best time to try this. Perhaps tomorrow I make it a point to wake up and make breakfast. A good one. And just have some me time before the chaos that work is (sometimes).
DEAR APRIL.
PLEASE BE THE CHAIN THAT BREAKS.
KTHANKS.
