Being Yourself.

So three times today it’s been brought up to me that I’m a bit… off.

“You realize that (insert my train of thought) makes you kinda nutso…”
“I knew it’d be an adventure hiring you, but I had no idea we were in for this!”
“You are crazy.”

I hear that last one more than I can admit to.  Yes, I do off the wall stuff like cover a peep hole when I bang on someone’s door, I have trains of thought that are usually way off target, and I am pretty stubborn in my ways of how I think people should act, do, or say things.  Yes, I dream of doing crazy things that should get me kicked off group insurance plans like jump out of planes or join a roller derby team – so what?  I have not-so-common principles that we shouldn’t dissect the private lives of politicians and other leaders.  I didn’t elect them to be my life coach, I elect them to make decisions that will effect me.  Some of our best leaders partook in moonshine and women; they also made great decisions that affected our nation’s development.

I’m 26 now and I truly get what confidence is.  All these years I’ve been trying to hold in my weirdness, hide my crazy thoughts, and really challenge my cognitive threshold.  What the hell have I been so afraid of all these years?  Yes, I sometimes get in a bit over my head lately, and sometimes I wonder, “how the hell am I going to pull this off?” – but guess what?  I’m at the point in my life where I think it will be okay if I actually fail at something.  I’m so done with that girl who got a panic attack at the thought of getting laid off.  I’m a part-time student and a full-time employee, and I feel like this setup will grant me the freedom I need without the harshness of a loan schedule, the ability to go and to do and to learn and to experience life for all I need it to be.

And in that essence, isn’t that what truly frees me?