Episode 2: Bla Bla Bla
We open to a quick promo for whatever Westlake Village Inn is. Yay they let her keep her dog here! What happened to her little dogs leg?!
2:05 oh my god are those covered SET LIGHTS below the balcony? Video producing 101, bra
2:45: Speaking of which, that yellow wall is giving Chris Harrison some serious jaundice.
4:16: I think this is the first time there has been actual food on the set. And he’ll yeah Rachel is at the helm, grilling ain’t just for the boys club. It’s a pithy little George foreman grill but I still appreciate it.
So I totally read that loser-boom were on another dating show together, so now I hate them both.
6:28 MILA! My cool-mom role model! Yay!
How I feel about this:
8:17 Can we please send this cowboy hack home, he is not charming or not funny and he should not be using the word homeboy
9:49 oh god I cannot wait to watch these gaggle of guys try to quickly strap on a baby carrier. They are always confusing. And YES to making them vacuum WITH the baby on you, I just had to do that Friday; that or let the baby scream while I vacuumed (which was already a stressful day because I was running every prompt known to man because my computer was in a nose dive of a firey hell). Oh. Ashton. You knew on day one? Wasn’t she 14 when she started That 70’s Show? And then you married Demi Moore in between that?
10:04: First challenge is unrealistic because they didn’t make the guys also have to change clothes from getting poop on themselves. Second challenge, okay, I really did laugh out loud at this, honestly, because those baby carriers things are tricky, and knowing that I should sympathize with someone who has NO directions and NO youtube to follow just made me laugh even harder. This makes up for that HORRID ghost episode last season. Mila’s laugh is everything. It’s that great from-below-your-diaphragm laugh. Everyone seems to genuinely having a great time amongst all of this confusion and I feel like this show can be saved, right here, from all the shitty seasons and corny dates and bad acting and terrible showboating leading up to this.
13:19 – Oh, I have dropped an earring down the sink and made my husband retrieve it, so guilty – but he actually got under the sink and removed the part of the pipe shaped like a U, and I’ll never forget it. Also we weren’t even married by that point, so, boyfriend material challenged accepted.
How I felt when that actually happened:
13:29 – Does this entire thing have a 90’s style Double Dare or Wild and Crazy Kids feel to it? Oh, right in the nostalgia, bachelor nation….
14:45 Is this chode fulfilling the entire budget for this show? He totally assaulted the second place winner (lol at Ashton’s unimpressed reaction, because it is all of us, and he played KELSO).
16:44 – This place seems really cool. Please, Rachel, use your lawyer skills to drill the shit out of this guy and get to the bottom of this.
18:40 – okay I would dump this guy for his obtuse, shallow, and obviously not well-read abomination of the written word. I HATE poems that follow the nursery rhyme format. HATE. HATE. HATE. His reading level is 5.
19:43: I love that Rachel is shaming this guy for being a bad kid 20 years ago, but not saying HOW he was a bad kid is a classy move.
20:31 Is this mother fucking MANSPLAINING changing a diaper to Rachel?
21:57. Oh, I know why he’s here now. Because he’s an easy target the other guys can dogpile on. Goddamnit. Quit pandering to the barbaric witch hunt and throwing someone to the lions of ancient times.
22:20: You LIVED with this guy’s ex girlfriend? OH. On that SHOW you were both on. And quit saying he’s here to further his career. One, it’s calling the kettle black, “aspiring drummer”, and two, it’s already obvious as wet paint. No one likes the Lucas show (not even early 90’s Nickelodeon), you’re wasting all of our time.
27:09: You fools are STILL fighting about this? If you’re going to tease us with some kind of background drama, you need to fill us in on the whole gossip.
27:47 Kenny, you are awesome
#TheBachelorette kenny on drama with whaboom and blake: pic.twitter.com/xgYphEcVnx
— ya gurl リサ? (@tehRisa) May 30, 2017
OH MY GOD THEY LET HER BRING THE DOG YESSSSSS!!!!, but -600 points for that fucking song. Ugh.
50:00: okay. This is a pretty cool date. Is Kareem for real wearing a shirt with his face on it? I guess he’d have to design his own clothes being that tall.
52:00 – these kids put the nerd in band nerd, and I totally was a band nerd
55:00- haaaaaa looks like Rachel was a band nerd too. Awww look at her meeting the fans after the game! Not like that bachelorette I watched get filmed in downtown San Antonio who looked mostly annoyed that she had to stand in the middle of one of the highest foot traffic areas in town.
57:29 – yeah this feels overtrying. And bfd, everyone is single until you get that marriage license. And girl, he ghosted you. Why are you wasting your day. I hope hes like “this bitch is crazy, we only had three dates and were not exclusive”.
1:00 – haha, yup, she looks looney as shit to me. But DoMario losing his cool and trying to backtrack isn’t doing him any favors either. And girl, if you haven’t met his friends or family by 6 months, tell him bye because he doesn’t think you’re worth sharing with his VIPs. And this crazy ass looking into the camera and swearing on her father’s grave that she refused to hear when he came over to end it nicely isn’t helping her at all.
What the producers wanted me to feel:
What I actually felt:
Is that… a scrunchie? Like, a big one?
I’m not sure this is all fair. He looks to me like he had some boredom-buster side lady until he got the real deal, which plenty of people are guilty of, and got blasted on tv for it.
1:09 – and Josiah shoots, he scores on the matter of picking up the pieces today Diggy too, congrats abc on finding some classy guys. I think everyone can agree that this portrayal needs to be more rampant than the usual Hollywood typecasting that tries to represent this demographic, and painfully fails.
1:20 – Oh Rachel, that is a cheat move in thumbwar. Come on.
Oh. A cliffhanger. Womp womp.
Favorites this week: Peter, Kenny
