Top Ten Weirdest Halloween Handouts
Charlie Brown wasn’t the only trick-or-treater to be disappointed with his loot; we’ve heard from a multitude of parents who’ve discovered lots of not-so-sweet surprises in their children’s bags. We’ve grouped them into ten categories.
1. Animal Food
Just because over-sugared tots can turn into “little animals” doesn’t mean folks should try to feed them as such! Doggie bones and cat treats? C’mon! To be fair, shiny animal treat pouches CAN look like appetizing people snacks, but there’s no excuse for catnip!
2. Inappropriate Literature
Age-appropriate comic books are acceptable, but Playboy magazines and worse? Not so much! Then there are religious pamphlets warning about the evils of celebrating Halloween. Those are scarier to kids than ghost stories.
3. Random Foodstuff
Apples are taboo, but other foodstuffs seem to be acceptable giveaways to some. Little boxes of cereal are okay, but canned vegetables, potatoes, and broccoli? It’s hard enough to get children to eat vegetables when they’re cooked! Then there are the curious bulbs of garlic – maybe they were meant to ward off vampires. Also found: Chicken wings and frozen dinners.
4. Toiletries
Dentists commonly give out toothbrushes, but other personal hygiene frequent finds included sample-sized soaps, shampoo, conditioner and even band-aids. Rolls of toilet paper, however, were welcome; they’re perfect for TP’ing the person’s home.
5. Odds ‘n Ends
Some folks simply raid the proverbial junk drawer when they run out of goodies, but it’s hard to fathom how things like free trial software CDs, golf balls, batteries, and packs of pushpins, bobby pins, staples and paper clips could ever be passed off as candy!
6. Unbelievably Inappropriate Items
Beer, liquor, cigarettes, and firecrackers have all been found in Halloween hauls. Condoms were also common, probably directed at the “way too old for Halloween” teens that show up at the door skimpily dressed as dead cheerleaders with their heavily tattooed boyfriends lurking behind.
7. Out of Season Candy
Halloween candy is supposed to be gross – fake ear wax, boogers, scabs, and even gooey eyeballs are all fair game. But what’s really gross is the obviously leftover candy from a way-past holiday, like old Easter eggs and Christmas candy canes.
8. Condiments and Cutlery
Probably from bachelor types who forgot it was Halloween – answered the door because they thought it was the pizza guy – and then mined their condimentstash so as not to disappoint. Though little containers of peanut butter and jam are passable, plastic packs of soya sauce, ketchup, relish, mustard, and plastic fork and knife sets really don’t do the trick for a treat! 
9. Real Creepy Crawling Candy
In some cultures these candies are considered delicacies, but North American children might get a bad case of the heebie jeebies once they discover that the candy-covered crickets, scorpions, and ants they crunched down were once actually real live insects.
10. Marketing Material
Shameless yet savvy self-promoters know that parents sift through every piece of their children’s stash, so what better way to get some free publicity than by slipping a business card into their bags? Cards and coupons for everything from babysitting and bowling to roof repair and real estate have often been discovered among the sweeter scores.
