I’m not sure whether to be embaressed or proud of this.

Duck and cover . . . you’re a turtle! You trust no one. You sometimes even find it hard to trust your own decisions. Don’t get discouraged by that, though. After all, the tortoise won the race . . . didn’t he? You are extremely negative and it’s hard for people to get close to you because of that. However, when they finally do open up to you it’s real easy for you to make them laugh. You are a vital addition to humanity because you see things in a rare and authentic light. (Or should I say dark?) Seriously though, be careful not to be overcome by negativity. Try to balance out your “realistic” attitude with your attitude toward life and you’ll find happiness–even if you think it’s impossible. Be happy in your pessimism. There’s a balance in it, I promise.

Ideally, you should look for friends/lovers who are snakes. Snakes make a good balance of skepticism and sarcasm. You will have to earn their trust and work to keep it; but that won’t be too difficult. Just make sure that you don’t scare them away, they can help you find happiness.