So, I had a bit of a hard week, so while watching “The Ugly Truth” with dazeyduck last night, I sort of, had a bottle of wine. Oops. No matter, it allowed me to sleep the best I have in weeks and I woke up totally refreshed. After water, coffee, and eggs I went for…

Teacher, I like your style! Today, I got a biology quiz back. I had drawn a dinosaur on the back of the page, asking for extra credit. When my teacher handed it to me, I turned it over to see that he had drawn a caveman shooting arrows at my dinosaur. It was bleeding. Profusely….

I present to you, “Pants on the Ground”By the way, let me add, that if my father were an African American man, this would be him. Old, smartass/witty, and completely hilarious.

Today, I had an excellent performance review at work. I’m full speed ahead to the job I really want, and I’m transitioning into a more focused position that is geared towards internal technological communications, web publishing/authoring/maintenance, and, get this, social networking. Yup, you read that right. Pending my business plan pitch to corporate next week…

By Shawn McKeeStaff Writer One of the leaders in fast, cheap food is now ready to help you shed those excess pounds. Taco Bell’s Drive-Thru Diet is a clever marketing campaign masquerading as a weight-loss plan that is perfectly timed for America’s annual resolution to lose weight. Upon an initial viewing the commercials seem to…

Having been watching dating shows since about 2004, I’d say I’m pretty up-to-speed on my critiques. I watch them all – the good, the bad, and the tacky. I also watch the offspring of said shows and watch the terrible, awful, time consuming drama that I then put on repeat by watching The Soup. Yes,…

Apparently if a woman is stopped by police in a D.C. “Prostitution Free Zone” and is carrying three or more condoms on her, she could be arrested for prostitution!

It’s about an hour long… But very moving.

Audiences experience ‘Avatar’ blues By Jo Piazza, Special to CNN (CNN) — James Cameron’s completely immersive spectacle “Avatar” may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora. On the…

He’s going skydiving with me 🙂

1. DON’T let your biological clock get the best of you. It will ruin your dating career.2. Honey, that cleavage is classy. Show it off! Also, structured bikinis. Actually, just be a bikini model. THAT will take you farther than ever.3. Don’t get drunk and start rambling. Apparently it’s a turnoff.4. Let him know it’s…

I minifistpumped in my car earlier…

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

[complaining about a long night in Austin][running on an hour of sleep, red bull, and coffee, and overtime at work] Mer: ugghhhMer: so miserableeeeeLauren: sorry dudeMer: my own faauullttttMer: why am i so crazzyyyyLauren: i’ve known you 7 years and i’m still trying to figure that out

Abbey: “I think you should give [insert man’s name here] another try”Mer: “Nah. He’s too boring. I need someone as batshit crazy as I am to go jump out of planes with me and shit.”

What are the most influential games of the decade?

With each and every paycheck I am going to go out and buy one NICE article of clothing in an attempt to look older – and I am weening myself off of Ross! I also am planning a new look come birthday time. Oh. And I got something pierced. I love love loves it. Now…

MUST TRY THIS. [but as pigs in a blanket]

1. Well, any love I used to have for the Beatles is forever tarnished in commercialism and cheap, by-product music videos played twice every AM hour for several weeks on MTV. 2. I went skydiving. Three times. I can’t begin to explain how it has changed me. 3. I went tubing more this summer than…

Mer: “Hey [Insert name of older Coworker here]!”Lady: “Hi there! Did you have a good Christmas?”Mer: “I DID! how about you?”Lady: “Wow, you sound happy – you get engaged or something?”Mer: “Nope, just had a great Christmas with my family. I figure I should start off slow and get one of those boyfriend things first.”…

AUSTRIA – The suckling pig is the symbol for good luck for the new year. It’s served on a table decorated with tiny edible pigs [i.e. Homer Simpson’s wet dream]. Dessert often consists of green peppermint ice cream in the shape of a four-leaf clover [not bad. I don’t think they start serving the green…

Wanna learn somethin’? “The tradition of the New Year’s Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions…