Things We Can Learn from the Idiot Girls on the Bachelor

1. DON’T let your biological clock get the best of you. It will ruin your dating career.
2. Honey, that cleavage is classy. Show it off! Also, structured bikinis. Actually, just be a bikini model. THAT will take you farther than ever.
3. Don’t get drunk and start rambling. Apparently it’s a turnoff.
4. Let him know it’s your birthday. He’ll do something special!
5. DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT spill your guts on what an IDIOT you were because you eloped with a stranger when you were 18 because you had a gut wrenching breakup. Men may want a stupid woman, but they do not want an irresponsible, stupid woman.
6. Don’t expect him to think about marrying you when he hasn’t even spoken to you yet, yes, I’m talking to you, crazy eyes..
7. Do NOT come on this show with a “business plan” to lock him down and get sperminated.
8. If you take the time to write homeboy a letter, don’t rush through it like an eight grader trying to read.
9. He canNOT see your “confidence” and “honesty” if he NEVER talks to you. Turn that biological business clock of yours OFF!
10. QUIT spouting jibber jabber about how you’re here to fall in love and say something special that sets you apart – hell just find out if you have anything in common with the guy instead of jumping blindly based on a television obsession!
11. Honey. Don’t sleep with the staff.
12. Honey, don’t say your personal life is no one’s business if you sign yourself up for a dating show.
13. 30 minutes of conversation does not a love for the ages make – otherwise the guy carrying out your groceries is going to break your heart [Thanks Carissa!]
14. Homegirl. You are 25. This is not the end of your life. Hell, it’s the beginning!